sorry may be a word to you, but sorry means a hell of a lot to me, you know this. sorry means everything to me, i dont take it lightly or say it lightly. anyways, so im now feeling very stuck. i mean you couldnt aswer my questions, and told me 'only i could make that descicion', well you know full well my heart wont allow me to move on. but you have a new gf? but you love me? you love her? you're inlove with me? im so confused. if you want me, I'm sat here waiting for you, like a duck. i love you, with every inch of me, and no matter how hard i try to fight that, its just not working. everyday i think of you in one way or another, well i mean my blog is evidence of that, but it could be that i'll be out shopping and see something you like, i'll be doing something, all the while thinking i should be doing it with you. i'll hear a song, and it will either be one of ours, or i can completely relate us or how im feeling to it. everyday i think of you, and i know that you think of me to, i also know that you check my blog daily. but heres my question to you, im not asking you anymore what you want me to do, or how you feel, i think i know these things already, but my question to you, is how much longer are you going to make me sit and suffer for? how long are you going to drag this out before? because i cant just be your little backup plan when things eventually fall apart, even though i would be, and that hurts, because id be there in an instant to pick you up because my heart rules my mind. youve watched me suffer, hurt me beyond anything ive ever known, you read my blog, you know how i feel, and youve also witnessed how much im back to me again, how happy i am. yes i fucked up yesterday, but that was a momentary relapse, and i stuck to my word, like i promised, contrary to what you may have thought. so my question is, when is enough going to be enough? when are you finally going to let down some of your pride and stubborness? because im sat here waiting, i could move on, but the thought of that and not knowing if there was a tiny bit of hope, destroys me more than anything, yet im going to sit and wait, and trust me, waiting hurts a hell of a lot. i know youre now going to go on an 'ignoring freya' phase, and that hurts a hell of a lot too. so even if you arent talking to me, im gonna keep blogging because it seems to be the only way i can really tell you how im feeling and thinking.

ciao baby x