so today i had a female fire-fighter message me. turns out shes an awful lot like me and we're chatting and getting on really well. shes even as obsessed with sharks and being a hippy as i am! we've been chatting all afternoon and its been really nice to just to sit and relate with someone. i mean, genuinely nice, its taking my mind off of you a bit. although as i talk to her, i wonder if things went further, could i really do it? could i commit? i mean, i tried that with kc, i tried to commit to her, and i just ended up hurting her because i was too inlove with you. im still inlove with you, you know this, and you are with me, i mean, i messaged you about all this last night. i dont want to her gemm, shes lovely and has been fucked over in the past. on a funnier note, shes been diving with sharks, twice! im so jealous, its like a life dream of mine! im so stuck, i mean my heart lies with you, but youre making me feel so unwanted, that i just dont know what to do. I dont even know if youd care if i moved on, but im scared of falling for someone else, because it means saying goodbye and letting go. and i dont want to do that, i want us, our house, our family. i wouldnt care where we were, it would be your choice, ive tried to show you that you have control over the past week. aslong as i was with you, i really wouldnt care. arghhhh im just so stuck.