i still sometimes get those moments when i die a little bit inside when i think of you having a future with someone else, right now is one of those moments, and my heart feels like its being torn apart and im welling up. this is why i dont like remembering, why i dont like to think of you or remember the emotions i felt, because it causes this to happen, for me to feel heart-broken. i suddenly thought of marriage, of everything we had planned for our wedding, and it flashed like some whirlwind through my head, and in that moment, i saw you, i saw you stood there, proud and smiling away, stood waiting for me. and that hurts, it hurts to remember. if only you realised how much i long for it to be like that. and do you know something funny? when i do marry someone else, i know i'll be stood there looking at them, and there will be this tiny part of me, that wishes it was you. and it hurts more, to realise that my life was so complete, and within a second, you stole it away and my world came crashing down around me. it reminds me of a green screen, where you can live in a fantasy, but the moment someone switches off the power, youre left stood in an empty room, all by yourself. im not sure i will ever love again the way i loved you. the hardest part is knowing that whilst i still love you, youre inlove with her. i know im always going to hold a place in your heart, and you'll never stop caring, but its not the same as you being mine.