hmmm so thoughts for today...well i suppose id best write something about yesterday, as to be fair, it was pretty amazing! s was saturday aswell to be honest. fuckit, i'll recap my weekend. so saturday was pretty crappy all day, what with all the stuff with dad and suzette, amongst 'other things', but whatevs, shit happens. the evening was amazing in the end, i went over to jakes, had cuddles with dubsey (the boxer) and watched some crappy tv/movies and chatted with his parents. sounds boring i know, but actually it was really nice :) anyhow, so then i got a phone call from bazz around 11pm, and he came and picked us up, long story short, we spent the entire night driving anywhere and everywhere till about 4am, it was ridiculous but nice at the same time. finally decided it was time to go home, so i stayed at bazz's and he spooned me, cushy.com! i think thats what i was needing, to be spooned for a night and feel safe, id said that since id found out though about dad and s. anyhow, so we were all planning on getting up at 7 and going to alton towers for the day yesterday (i know, 2 and a bit hours sleep, a bit optimistic!), point being, the alarm went off, ignored it, woke up at 10, and then thought fuckit, its too late to be going to alton towers now. sat and pondered what to do fora bit, and decided western might be a fun idea. walked out of bazz's (i think his mum forgot who i was because when i walked out in bazz's traccies and army T she eyed me up and down and was like 'oh hello...' haha! i dont think the sex look hair and messy makeup helped!). anyhow, picked up jake and drove down to western, it was very surreal. i felt like i was meant to be going to porlock as its the same route, and almost said fuckit lets go minehead, but decided i wasnt ready to face it yet and that western was perhaps a better idea, atleast it was one place off the list to face (western). got down there, and for a brief moment i felt like me, completely care free and just absorbed by the atmosphere. the sea, the seagulls, the beach, the fresh air, just how open it all felt. anyhow, went and played arcades, and i found a fiver! winner haha! it went straight back in the machines -_- i did however win a toy dog that said 'grand pier' on it, although no where near as good as all the tokens we've collected! im deffo going to cash them all in at some point! anyways, so it got to half 5 and we thought wed have a go on the go-carts, which was A-MAZING! drifting was hilarious and out of all 3 of us i was the only one who didnt crash, pro driver right there! :P anyways, so we got outside, got a few nice pics (i'll pop my fave one up inna bit) and the sun was setting, the wind was cool, but it was terribly beautiful. i did have a slight sense of deja-vu though. anyhow, so we drove down to the other end of the beach, away fromt the pier and town, and watched the sun go down, parked up on the beach, listening to songs like 'summer paradise'. we were also doing doughnuts and handbrake turns on the sand, it was brilliant! being in that moment took me back to a very safe and very familiar place, i was thoroughly contented, well...almost (obvs there was something missing, but y'know). it also confirmed to me that i deffo want to live by the sea, if i could, id move down there tomorrow. western has never appealed to me, but yesterday brought a new light on it. i think id only want to live there low season though, summer would be manic! decided to drive home, pulled up to a service station, jake was inna grump as per, bazz goes to him 'either cheer up or get out the car and walk home so jake gets out the car....-_- spent a good half hour getting him back in, drove home, but got very lost, ended up in cheltenham, ended up in oxford, ended up in witney, finally found our way to swindon, what a drama! dropped jake home, picked katie and dan up, dropped them home, then got holly. went to the victoria for a bit (some really hippy lesbian got chatting to me, she was amazing!), anyhow, so we left, picked up jake, got some alcohol and went for a drive. somehow ended up down the country lane next to purton (just as you exit purton) lead on the bonnet of the car, watching the stars and drinking, ben-e king -stnad by me on. it was so beautiful, i could have lead stargazing and listening to that song all night (again, something was missing!). finally got in around 3 this morning, and completely crashed out. but all in all, an amazing and incredibly beautiful weekend, its confirmed a few things, and made me let go of a few things, but its also made me miss a hell of a lot of things. either way, good weekend :) i genuinely think i have some of the most loyal, loving and caring friends.

oh and as a another update, hello pink and blue haired hippy girl whos tattoo'd and pierced and wants to own a farm and spends most of her days surfing and at the beach :O