feeling very nervous and sick today and i dont know why. i dont know if its because im waiting for you to get in contact and worried that youre not bothered anymore or what, or if its because ive got a hell of a lot of college work to do. im not really sure, all i know is that id much rather just get back in bed today, curl up and go to sleep. i want to cry, today is going to be one of those days. i want to forget all about it.

i have a lot going round in my head, i regret what i said the other night, because now im feeling more lost than ever, but im also so hurt by what you've done. you said you would try and come to my birthday, but you've deliberately arranged to go to brighton on my birthday, what are you even doing in brighton?! and the funny thing is, im so angry, hurt and upset by you, and im allowing you destroy me, but i cant walk away, i love you too much to do so. thats whats hurting most about this. i dont know how youre feeling, what youre thinking or what exactly it is you want me to do. ive stuck by my promises, im waiting for you, i havent smoked weed and im back at college, im doing everything right, im doing everything you asked, but still im getting no-where. help? :'(