helen,

minutes are turning into hours, hours are turning into days, and days are turning into weeks. and yet i hardly notice. im like a living zombie. i wake up every morning and pull on some clothes, try and do my makeup and head off to college. im meant to concentrate when im there, but instead i spend most of my time sat in jo's office with a cup of tea, crying my eyes out and shaking. when i get home, i end up shut up in my bedroom just trying to write our story, or just sat int he corner, huddled up in a blanket crying. im struggling to eat again, i look tired, i look ill. people pay me attention, and yet i push them away, i dont want peoples attention, i dont want people to tell me to just move on. i just want to be on my own. every night i fall asleep and look forward to it, because i know i will have a dream about you and that you will be there, the old us, happy and so inlove. and then something happens and i black out, and all i know is that i wake up screaming, shaking and crying. when that happens i know that my dream was just a dream, and infact the reality of it all is that you are gone. i cant be without you. im a complete state. this isnt just love, this is being madly and truly in love. this isnt even being heartbroken anymore, this is my soul being destroyed. i feel nothing, i dont feel pain, i dont feel upset, i dont feel happy. nothing. just a blur. i drift a lot, try to forget, to try tell myself that i can do this alone. but i cant. i cant be without you, ive lost my soulamte, my missing puzzle piece. without you i am nothing. without me, you are everything. but im falling apart, i wish i could just run away and forget it all, have a new chance in life. but im stuck here, feeling like this and feeling like an empty box.

i miss you baby, so unbeleiveably much. i just feel lost. i feel alone. i feel forgotten. i feel incomplete. i feel unloved. i feel unwanted. i feel useless. i feel nothing but my soul drifting away. i dont dance anymore, i dont sing, i dont play guitar anymore and i hardly smile or laugh. when i do, its a fake smile or a fake laugh, just to try and convince others im ok. and when im with other people, i can manage it. but its when im alone, it really hits me.

i look forward to falling asleep because i know you'll be there waiting for me. i just wish you were there in real life. i cant go on without you, im nothing without you.

i miss you baby, and i love you more than life itself.
your freya xxx