so ive really hit a low all of a sudden, i feel like im going to cry again. i was feeling ok, i got up, did my hair, my make-up, had some breakfast and did my teeth. was feeling up to being productive today. now i just feel flat again and all i want to do is curl up in bed and cry and hold her jumper that she left. everything still smells of her, everything is reminding me of her, bringing back all the memories, bringing back just quite how much i love her. but most of all, how much i miss her. and the funny thing is, the thing i miss most of all is her smile and feeling her there, the way her skin feels, the way she can light up an entire room just by smiling. thats the amazing thing about her, no matter what, she never fails to bring life and happiness to people. she just has this air about her, one that you cant help but love.  i love everything about my bubba g, her eyes, her smile, the way she walks the way she talks, but most of all, how kind, caring and loving she is. she makes me feel safe, she makes me feel whole. so when she isnt here, and we arent talking, i no longer feel whole, i feel empty and lost, like a massive chunk of me is missing. its stupid little things, like the fact im meant to be on anti-biotics, something shed normally remind me to do, and yet ive forgotten to take them. its the little things im missing. i was mega ill yesterday, and she spent the whole time looking after me and making sure i was ok. normally id look to her for advice, shes my other half,but now i cant ask for advice, because i dont think she knows herself. i think we're both feeling as lost as each other. but the ignoring is what destroys me, it confuses me, i dont know what shes feeling or thinking. if its making her feel so terrible, why is she doing this? why isnt she trying to talk to me about it? she should be able to, she knows i care and i love her deeply, she knows i wont stop fighting for her, so why is she pushing me away? arghhh its all just so confusing, someone help? :/ mum doesnt really know what to do with me, she keeps giving me odd jobs to do to keep me busy, but im just generally a mess, ok one minute, crying the next. oh helen, please realise how much this is killing me, please talk to me.