maybe the last post...

really cannot be fucked with this anymore, ive chased you and chased you, and still im getting nothing back. and do you know what? im tired of it now, im tired of remembering what was and what i hoped would be, because evidently its not going to be like that. I've poured my heart out to you and shown you exactly how i feel, and you give me nothing back. thats not how break up's work, surely if you wanted me you would have made the effort by now. i was a fool to think you'd come back, but its you who is the fool for thinking im going to carry on chasing you. evidently what we had wasnt that important to you, otherwise youd be fighting for it as much as i am.but you're not are you? you give me shit and have put me through hell these past few weeks. well enough is enough, i cant chase you anymore. its your turn, if you ever decide that you actually want to make the effort. but its not going to be easy for you, because youve pushed me to a point now where i just want to give up. you can be so selfish at times, and youve had this easier than me because you were the one who chose to walk away. you left with your stuff, moved back home and didnt make an effort with me, and left with me the pieces to pick up, financially and emotionally. you didnt have to watch me walk away, because you chose to leave, so now you can watch me walk away. im sick of putting in the effort, im sick of crying every night, im sick of waiting every day for you to contact me, im sick of chasing you! if you wanted to make the effort you would have by now. im not a toy, im not there to be messed around with, im a real person, with real feelings and real emotions. but thankyou for the last few weeks, its taught me a lot. its taught me not to love, because loves a bitch. everyone says there different, YOU said you were different, you promised never to leave me, but youre exactly the same as the rest of them, you only want when it suits you. i love you a hell of a lot, but i refuse to hurt anymore or chase you because all its doing is giving you the satisfaction that im still there. you have yet to deal with the feeling of losing me, because youd had my attention the whole time. well enough is enough, if you care and actually want me, make the effort, because pretty soon its going to be too late. you know what, i already think it is too late. have a nice life, im sorry i made your life hell, but im not sorry for what was. because to me it was amazing. but im not sorry for walking away now, because im tired of fighting and holding onto someone who has made it very clear that they meant a lot more to me than i did to them. if i did mean a lot to you, then why are you doing this? why are you being stubborn and selfish? why are you watching me hurt? infact, dont answer that because i dont care anymore. i gave you a chance to show me you cared, and youve failed to do so, youve shown your true colours and shown how very little i actually mean to you. so i wish you well with your future and i hope you find everything you are looking for, i hope you find the right girl to have a family with, and i hope you are happy. i mean that with the upmost genuineness, i want you to be happy, and evidently thats not with me. if you decide you want me, you know where i am, but i wont make it easy for you, because youve made my life hell over the past few weeks, youve watched me hurt and fall apart, and just ignored it. like i said, im not a toy there for as and when it suits you, if you want me, then take me and show me you want me, but dont be how you have been. i cant do this anymore, i cant keep fighting for you. goodbye my love x