you know its funny, i write this like you're reading it, like im talking to you, but i know im not, and i know you dont read this. but i suppose its the one place where i feel i can write exactly how im feeling and write all the things i want to say to you, without having to overwhelm you. i guess its a bit of a release. the notebooks on, i think im going to end up crying by the end of it. :(