so i was feeling really positive yesterday and this morning, we were getting on like a house on fire and it felt like the old us. and then this afternoon, you havent contacted me, despite me texting you, and to be honest, its brought me crashing down. i worry that yesterday was just a split second thing, a glimpse at what was and what could have been, and then it all goes away again. i dont want it to be like that, i want us back, so so much. i felt so safe and happy these past few days, you dont even understand, and when i looked at you, i saw the love in your eyes again, that look ive been craving and missing so desperately. and then this afternoon, nothing. dont do this to me, dont tear me apart and build up my hopes. im so inlove with you, you dont even realise, and id like to think that you were still inlove with me, im sure you are, but youre scared. and im scared. so how do we fight this? can we pull through it? dont cut me out, dont break me down, dont hurt me all over again just when i started to feel safe again. i love you helen, and the past 2 days have been the most amazing times, the best ive felt since you left, because momentarily i had you back, momentarily it was like you never left, like we never fell apart. and now you aren't talking to me, im falling apart again, feeling low, and all i want to do is clamber into bed and cry. i dont know if i can do this, i dont know if i can hurt again and get my hopes up only to come crashing down. i dont want to crash again, i dont want to fall apart and go through it all again. i either want all of you or none of you, i know i have to do it on your terms in your time, but we've been talking constantly and now nothing. i feel so confused again. i miss you, i miss my bubba g, i miss us. yesterday when i looked in your eyes, i saw the love, the way you used to look at me, the way we play fought and laughed and danced and sang, it was us again. i miss you, i miss us, i miss what was. i miss you loving me, i miss loving you :(