kc's words

so tonight kc sent me this, and it rendered me speechless.

"I felt like I was drowning. I’ve always felt like it. From the start I always knew it was going to be hard but never this hard. This was excruciating. I knew I could swim but I couldn’t find the energy to kick my legs or move my arms. I just wanted to sink right down to the depths of the sea and remove myself from existence. There was only one thing that had the power to pull me up from the depths of despair and make the thought of surviving worthwhile. Her. She walked into my life when I needed someone the most. She listened to my incessant ramblings and reminded me that she thought I was perfect. Now perfect is a strong word and it seemed all too perfect. Because she is to me.

She’s on my mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When something seems so overpowering that it renders my limbs useless, she prevents me from drowning. She holds my head up high and keeps me breathing. She makes me want to survive just to see her beautiful smile and her amazing eyes. I could spend all day just losing myself in her eyes. When she stares back at me I can see everything I’ve always wanted: the pug, the wedding, the kids and it seems effortless with her. It all just feels right.
She’s my fairy princess and I like to think I’m her knight in shining armour but sometimes I really am just an impersonator. A dickhead in tin foil. I try and treat her like the only girl in the world let alone the most beautiful because I love giving her attention and reminding her that I am in it for the long haul. It’s weird because I’d die for her and I’d do anything that makes her happy yet it’s barely been a week.
That day I felt like I’d thrown up all of my internal organs and set them alight one by one and watched them burn to ashes. I felt it creep over my body like a slow poison and fill every fibre. The pain was intense but reminded me I could still feel. That I was still alive. I’d never felt more human. As my body convulsed uncontrollably I felt like I was going to slip into unconsciousness. But then I thought of waking up next to her and holding her in my arms and I fought it. I fought beyond all measures to stay alive just to be with her again. I could feel my lungs collapsing, my heart racing and my mind wandering. The worst part is that she was watching it and had no idea what was happening.
Then the blood lust came… The intense urge to rip myself open and cover myself in my own blood. To see the red river shoot out of me as my pathetic heart beats. I had a knife, I easily could have plunged it into my vampire heart but I knew that there was something I wanted more. More than anything else in the world. I wanted to feel her skin on mine, her lips touch mine, her body relax in my arms again. So I resisted.
My dreams were weaved into illogical nightmares and I remember them vividly. I woke up and I felt normal again. I always think of her first in the morning and I smiled ready for a new day. Then I burst into tears. " <3