ohhhh and another quick thing, saw ellie on saturday. sitting in your ex's room is a strange experince, especially when it used to be your safe place....but anyhow, that was pretty epic. it was nice to just chat, have a catchup and a laugh, i mean it was the first time we'd seen each other without anyone else there since we broke up, so we finally had chance to chat. and ofcourse, i had cuddles with archies, to which he proceeded to curl up in my lap, purr loudly and fall asleep. we did however, get very very lost driving around london, lesson learnt, dont drive from the o2 to richmond and then try to find your way back again without any sat nav or maps, it doesnt work\! oh and i got a new tee that says 'im not a slut i just love love' snm. so yeah, epic saturday night with miss gavin, and she'll hopefully be coming up to swindon soon, hurrah! :D

things that shouldnt hurt to hear, cut like a knife. one simple statement sends me from feeling amazing to tearing up because it hurts. and its then that i realise im still hurting underneath it all, ive just blocked it out. blerghh :(

so in other news....well i have a tattooing apprenticeship with an epic guy named marco who keeps calling me his 'new legacy', hes perfectly charming though, i actually think him and i might end up being good friends, his work environment isnt that of work, he says its family. you are all a tight nit family in there, you're honest with each other, loving, supportive and you all have each others backs. he said to me 'welcome to the family' then gave me a massive hug, so im feeling pretty stoked about starting!

what other shits been on my mind, well physically im doing pretty well, ive gained some weight so im no longer a dinosaur, im toning up and generally looking pretty well, im also eating properly. i now have dreds in my hair, with beads and shit, very jack sparrow like. but ive also noticed how ive become slightly more femanine again, less of the lesbian look, which is interesting, i guess times are changing and im changing...anyhow, erm what else? alls good with friends etc, soph is soph, callum is callum, jake is jake, just the little group of misfits that we are, but its nice, theyre my best friends and i feel completely accepted by them, i mean soph, her and i had a bust up saturday, a big one, and by sunday morning we were both on the phone apologising, i guess its then that you know someones your best friend...or atleast one of them. family shit is crap, as per, but hey ho, life goes on. rocky is epic as ever, my little man, the most dim witted, clueless and dopey pooch going, but also the most cuddly and loveable. saying that though, he's becoming pretty epic at fetch, so i suppose hes not entirely dim, just selective hearing....much like another pooch i know, mentioning no nmes *cough...cody!*, little ginger monster! watching him and his brother together is hillarious though, i could honestly sit and watch them play all day.

all in all i think thats about it really, i mean life is neither here nor there, but slowly working out of the mess and getting organised....somewhat. anyways, its late, im tired, ive got too much going on in my head. think its time for a bit of family guy or south park to zone out to.

ciao x

its like watching it all over again, watching it all fall apart. this evening has been hell... and its when this sort of stuff happens you realise who really cares and who doesnt. i mean, people who are meant to be your best friends, dont seem to give a shit, and other people just dont seem to get in contact at all. however there is one person whos been there so so much over the past couple of days, who sat there are listened patiently, put up with me crying down the phone to them and advised me and supported me through everything. that person is the person whos somehow managed to make sense of it all and be the listener i needed. the person whos sat with me until stupid am until ive fallen asleep, just to make sure all was ok, and who has been texting me every morning, just to make sure everything is ok. that to me, is a true friend, they're the person who wont ever let you down or turn the other cheek, and for them reading this, from the bottom of my heart, thankyou. lets hope tomorrow's a brighter day hey? <3

funds in the jar so far- £27 (lets hope i can raise more today!)

wow, so its been 12 days since ive last posted, theres a hell of a lot i want to say about life right now, but i sometimes think its better just to keep stuff to yourself than going on a massive rant over the internet. thats the weird things thats happening at the moment, im so used to saying what i feel, showing people how i feel, and suddenly im hardly telling anyone whats up or whats going on, not in a bad way, just in a kind of, no one else needs to hear my shit kind of way? i dunno, i guess because i know that no amount of opening up will sort it all out, this is more of a 'wait patiently and give it time' type thing, and ofcourse being proactive. on a different note, minehead was amazing,  as well as all the fun stuff thats been going on the past couple of weeks, but i will write about that all this evening. its now 07:10am and ive been up since half 6, dad woke me with a cuppa tea in bed, so that was rather lovely. holly and I are off to do a carboot today, not sure if im looking forward to it or dreading it, the weathers crap! either way, welcome to the new 'conservative' freya :/ its so bad its to the point where i folded all of my clothes when i took them off last night and laid out everything i needed for today...im never this organised or tidy! ah well, gonna try grab another half hours sleep.

ciao everyone
x

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HELEN, 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

 happy 20th birthday bub, sorry there is no rainbow cake this year :( so i figured i'd give you rainbow writing instead haha! :) 

miss you x

my phone comes up with a text and my heart races, then i realise its not from you and i sink again....